Alliance of the Azure Trolls
by WildZephyr
Summary: Hazama and Bernkastel are two of the most famous trolls in gaming history, so what will happen when the two of them meet?


_Disclaimer: I do not own Umineko no Naku Koro Ni, BlazBlue, or any of their characters._

_Author's note: First FF ever! R&R please! ^^_

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><p>"So, Ushiromiya Battler. I've heard tales," a man in a red themed garb spoke, swinging a huge sword about.<p>

"So have I, Ragna the Bloodedge," the man sitting opposite him replied.

"Remind me, why are we here again?" Ragna asked with a scowl on his face.

"I faintly recall being pieces in Bernkastel's 'trololol' game," Battler replied.

Ragna's mood took a further dive. "And what in the name of Jin's hairy face is a 'trololol' game?"

Battler smirked, "Ihihi. You'll see. It's pretty interesting."

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><p>Bernkastel spoke calmly to a guy in a green suit who was grinning to himself non-stop, "Hazama, so you think that turning traitor to your 'friends' is troll enough? A lot of people have done that before, so why do you think you are better?"<p>

Hazama laughed, and said, "I know who you're thinking about. Aizen, isn't it? That fool can't compare to me in trollness. He gets owned after turning traitor, while I am the one to own everyone! Ask Ragna over there, he couldn't do squat to me after I betrayed everybody in the NOL."

Ragna gave him the finger.

"Ahahahaha! See what I mean?" Hazama mocked.

Bernkastel let a slight sigh escape her lips. "You do know that I'm the Witch of Miracles, don't you? I can simply find a parallel reality in which you get, what's that, 'owned'. One like... this."

She flicked her fingers and a crystal shard appeared. The shard displayed Hazama getting his behind served to him by Ragna with his Blazblue.

Hazama's grin faltered. He laughed loudly, "Hahaha! But that doesn't change the fact that I only lose once out of an uncountable number of times! Furthermore, I get a cool 3D rendered art for my super killing move. What do you have besides getting beaten by Battler in your little battle of wits?"

Bernkastel did not like being reminded of losing to Battler. "Oh, please. He just got lucky. Without the golden truth, he would never have beaten Erika. Speaking of which..."

She snapped her fingers. Erika appeared in a gust of golden butterflies.

Erika spoke, "How may I serve you, Master?"

Bernkastel replied, "I want you to troll Hazama. As much as you like."

Erika gleamed with delight. "I can do that, oh yes I can."

Hazama smirked and commented, "Yeah, I know you can stalk people while dressed in revealing swimsuits. Since you're nothing but a masochist and all... Say, weren't you completely destroyed by Battler as well? Like master, like servant, eh?"

Erika was completely dominated. She glanced at Bernkastel and was shocked to see that she was glowering with fury for embarrassing her.

Erika quickly attempted a rebuttal, "It's not like you could have done anything without Noel, right? Blue truth: Without the Kusanagi, you are completely powerless against anybody. That's why you had to disguise yourself as a grinning wreck to brainwash a poor defenseless girl. What do you think, everyone? This level of reasoning is possible for Furude Erika."

Hazama muttered, "Tch. Seems like they found me out."

He then said in a louder voice, "In that case, how about I call for a witness. Noel, if you'd please?"

Noel appeared in a flash of azure light. "Mu at your service."

Erika continued with a gasp before she could say anything, "Blue truth: You enslaved her to be your s-"

Noel spoke, "Negative. Red truth: Your mind is corrupted with dirty thoughts, therefore whatever you say does not apply."

A red greatsword struck down from the heavens and impaled her. Erika could have sworn she heard a "Great equalizer is DEATH!" from somewhere.

"How... are you able to use the red truth? You aren't a magician..!" Erika stumbled.

Noel replied, "I am the Sword Summoner. There is no sword that will not heed my command."

On her death throes, Erika managed a "Sorry... Master" before vanishing into the golden butterfly storm.

Bernkastel muttered, "Useless."

Hazama shrieked with laughter, and in response, Bernkastel threw a teapot at him. It struck him squarely in the face.

Hazama looked visibly offended and said, "So, we resort to throwing things now? Well, I have some things I can throw..."

He flicked out three knives and threw them. They hit the floor somewhere near him. He exclaimed, "What the hell? I could've sworn I threw them straight!"

He tried again. He leapt backwards and threw three knives. They struck the floor where they stood, quivering.

"Why can't I throw straight? Somehow the knives just keep going downwards!"

This time it was Bernkastel's turn to grin. "It's called programming, dear sir. You see, the developers felt you did not deserve a spammable projectile attack."

Noel said emotionlessly, "Unlike me."

Bernkastel was obviously goading now. Hazama was in shock. "How can this be? How can I be inferior to this... woman? She is my pawn and yet she has a projectile attack?" He began muttering vaguely.

Bernkastel said with malice, "What's wrong? Giving up already?"

Hazama suddenly finished with an audible "Come forth, Ronove!"

The demon butler appeared with a graceful shower of roses. "Yes, sir? Why have you called for me today?"

"I want you to do something to that... that kid! Anything!" Hazama pointed at the direction of Bernkastel, refusing to look her in the face.

Ronove asked, surprised, "That kid? I suppose I wouldn't mind..."

Saying that, he walked slowly and purposefully to Battler, who was seated behind Bernkastel. Battler only could manage a "WT-" before Ronove embraced him.

"Oi! What the hell do you think you're doing, you demon?" Battler yelled, trying his utmost to break free of Ronove's grip. When he couldn't, he resigned and said with a sigh, "It's useless, it's all useless."

Ragna laughed at Battler's plight. Bernkastel had a little flash of brilliance. She raised a hand and a person appeared in a storm of golden butterflies.

"Long time no see, Broooooootherrrrr!"

Ragna felt a chill up his spine. He grabbed his sword and was in the process of escaping when a man riding a flying icicle car rammed into him. "Why were you trying to run from your brooooootherrrrr, broooootherrrrRR?"

Amidst the screams from Ragna and the "Dame da! Zenzen dame da!"s from Battler, Hazama praised Bernkastel, "Now that was a good move. I see we could be friends after all." He extended a hand.

Bernkastel smiled widely, "I have to say I agree. Trololol-ing is fun, but trololol-ing with others? Priceless." She shook it. That marked the beginning of an alliance that would eventually troll the world to its demise.


End file.
